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United in our True Identity

February 5, 2008

There are things that unite us and others that divide us. More often than not, we live in the more constant state of separation with momentary interruptions of unity.

What I notice, particularly in the context of the microcosmic world of "family," is that things like births and deaths and the occasional celebrations of anniversaries and ritualistic religious events provide us with opportunities to join and experience our unity.

For the times we come together in tragedy, whether in our personal lives or on the global stage, no matter how dire the circumstance, we recognize the "good" in some form of allowing us to unite, to care, to love. These are the times that get recorded in our memories as positive and joyful experience.

Why is it then, that although we can see the loveliness in our joining, we choose to live more routinely in the unconscious state of separation? How can the numerous separation designations such as color and race, economic status and religious affiliation so often hook us and preclude our sustaining a life where openness and acceptance and compassion lead to joy? If we can manage on some occasions, why can we not make it permanent? What is standing in our way? And why is this entire line of questioning considered "unrealistic"?

I believe that deep down all of us thinks this and questions it and even knows that it is indeed possible to live without judgment but we seem to all be waiting for someone else to start the ball rolling. We are filled with self-doubt and uncertainty about who we are and fail to give ourselves the credit for all that we are and can do. In those moments when we can "feel the love," it is accomplished in the spirit of remembering who we are ---that we are not humans having a spiritual experience but spirits having a human experience.

I am not chastising you reading this but rather remembering myself for myself to do as I say and to live in this world in a responsible way, trusting that I am connected to this holiness that seems to spring into action when something wonderful happens or something horrible happens impelling us to "remove the blocks to love's presence," as written in A Course in Miracles.

Because we have all been rather convinced lately that thoughts are things, we can get the connection that thoughts of separation become actions in the world ending in warring peoples and nations. Ghandi said that we must be the change we wish to see in the world. There are reminders all around us, in erudite texts and in the words spoken by great men who contributed vastly to love and peace in their sphere of influence. There is no further convincing, only accepting the truth as it is because the truth does not change.

If each of us spoke and behaved from the love that we truly are, that which connects us, we would look out and see a world that would change accordingly and reflect that love.

"We save the world when we have joined. For in our vision it becomes as holy as the light in us."

A Course in Miracles, Lesson 133

Got A Problem? Have I Got A Drug For You!

January 9, 2008I just watched a PBS Frontline presentation on this ever-present matter of ADHD, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. It is also known simply as ADD. It is a subject near and dear to my heart as a former teacher working within an educational system that does not seem to be able to offer alternative and creative solutions for our children. We remain willingly at the mercy of a medical community that is supporting the notion that to every "medical" problem there is a solution in the form of a pill. As a society, we are amazingly asleep at the wheel of our own lives, our aliveness, and taking our children, our "futures," along with us down a slippery slope. Is there not another way??? THis is evidently an "American" problem, with SIX MILLION children taking a variety of stimulants to address what is considered a neurologic condition. But the "experts" have only vague ideas of the causation yet continue to support the taking of drugs with oftentimes uncomfortable side effects that trade positions with pre-drug behavioral manifestations!!! But not to worry, they have been studying it for some 15 years or so and eventually, they will find something! Meanwhile, take the drug of your doctor's choice so that he may reap his own preferred benefits. We sound crazy to me---how do we treat an effect without an idea of the cause--But what do I know? In discussing this with my dear friend and colleague, Jeffrey, he sent me his comments which I include verbatim here as I could not agree more nor improve any further. I feel it is an excellent conclusion to what I have already said on the subject. Please enjoy: I did not see any Wellness/Aliveness in the children who were interviewed in this show. They all seemed tragically sick, frightened, along with their parents... yes the parents and doctors claimed "improvement" but it was not evident to me. Our thinking is so distorted/twisted... we make up images that justify our insanity and so find "remedies" where there are in fact none to be found. Healing and Aliveness is something quite different than the compromising and conditional gestures we fabricate in the shadowland of our egoic/ illusory thinking. Most of us are terrified of Joy and Love and are likely to run from any expression or appearance of it as fast as we possibly can! Again, in an uncorrected state of mind we are largely destructive and heavily biased towards the fearful and selective thinking that "protects" and defends the continuance of our fearful and illusory identities, habits, obsessions, and addictions at the expense or cost of knowing the Self Whom God loves... we pay the "price" of self ignorance with our Aliveness... with our Love, Health, Happiness, and full Self expression! What a tragic comedy!!! [And I also add Jeffrey's comments directed to the PBS website]: The question seems to be rarely asked concerning the psychological, biological, and environmental condition that these children are born into and raised within. We continue to see "illness" from the perspective of disempowered victims as if these maladies/diseases are happening to us and our children... rather than shifting our view and considering that our internal condition is greatly compromised, both psychologically through unhealthy thinking, and biologically through unhealthy decisions which lead to poor diet and nutrition. Children enter into and are raised in the psychological and emotional turmoil of family environments crippled and severely impacted by anxiety and general fearfulness. As parents and community members we place business and profit above Well Being... and our environment, food production, and water supply reflects this deep and compromising attitude which has rendered us and our environment sick and deadly. We are literally making ourselves, our families, and our environment sick and toxic and there will never be enough meds and pharmaceutical explanations to meaningfully alter this unhealthy societal disease. There is an answer which requires us to confront the underlying dysfunctional thinking and behavior... the personal and collective insanity that each of us has unconsciously consented and conformed to. We need only look into the strange and fearful domain of our uncreative/unloving thinking and behavior to gain the necessary vantage point from which we may change our minds, our lives, and then our world.

The Fight or Flight of Life

January 7, 2008

<p>I had an experience the other day that I thought I would share. It is an all too common one, albeit at times with fairly tragic consequences. I am at a toll booth, the third car along. The individual in the first car is conversing with the attendant and appears to be alternately seaching around for the toll to pay. The gentleman behind him is poking his head out his window to determine what the problem seems to be. I roll down my window to gain some idea myself as it is really getting to be some wait. I am just saying to my passenger that I always select the "wrong" line when suddenly I am aware of the growing anxiety of the gentleman in the middle. I see that the man in the first car continues this back and forth with his head to his pasenger and then speaking to the attendant. </p>

A beep from the car behind him now. A holler, "come on!!!" I gather this gentleman is in a big hurry and if so, he definitely got in the wrong line. Still, the first guy does not seem to be fazed. Now there is head communication between the two drivers before me with another verbal admonition from the second. Soon we are moving and because my window is still down, I hear the guy in front of me demanding of the toll collector, "What's his problem!?" "Canadian!" responds the somewhat bewildered attendant. The man then pulls off quickly and turns in the same direction of his offender. Unfortunately, I am headed there as well but I readily can anticipate what is about to happen and I attempt to stay a distance.<p/>

 "What the _____ is your problem?" "What's yours, asshole???" <p/>

Very creative exchange.<p/>

 Then there a reference to being inconsiderate and some other choice words being flung back and forth but by now I am a safe distance away and continue, thanking God that I am not in the midst of that because who knows what could happen. I doubt it went any further because I think we might have read about it in the news, but besides the fact that there were at least two people who got carried away with anger that seemed to escalate over a fairly inconsequential event, I came away with the following thoughts:<p/>

 We do things sometimes in an (over) reaction to something that is not related to what is currently happening but rather an event long past (emotional hijack) or unrelated (displaced aggression). And when we do have a chance to reflect on it, we ask ourselves "what was I thinking?" which is a good question and the answer is that you were NOT thinking. In an emotionally charged situation, you are literally being controlled by emotion and that sequence renders your thinking brain impotent, allowing the part of your brain that concerns itself with your survival to trump your ability to think before you act. While that entire series lends itself to almost immediate regret, the consequences of that sort of lack of control can be dire. <p/>

Knowing any or all of this will not help unless you gain control of your emotions. And the very best way I know of to accomplish that is to practice ---as you are feeling that swell of emotion overcome you to stop yourself before you act--to recall the times when you have allowed your self to be swept away only to regret it later. And to know that the second you allow someone or something to control you means that you are willingly giving over your power to that source and relinguishing the power that you already have innately. <p/>

No one does it to you; you do it to yourself. So each time you abort that auto-pilot of over-reactive behavior, know that you are creating new pathways in your own brain that will allow you to own your power, gain and maintain control and avoid regret. The obvious bonus is that you get to feel good about you rather than put another nail in the coffin of your self-esteem.

A Present That No One Can Give You

December 11, 2007On the infrequent occasion that I actually watch the news, I realize how often sadness is part of our human condition. THen I remember, that's why I am not a news watcher. And it isn't about preferring my head in the sand, it's more about my belief that what you put in will affect, or infect what you put out. THat being said, I feel compelled to mention something about the all too common occurence of child abuse and neglect and the seeming lifelong effect it has on its "victims." Anyone reading this has to be either sick and tired of hearing about it, angry about it or profoundly sad and frustrated that it continues and how little seems to be done to stop it once and for all. Even the most hardened of criminals take great issue with child abusers. What the hell is going on? If you are like me, you don't hate the abusers, you actually feel compassion for them, for surely they are only the hurt hurting others. The mentally injured among us either hurt themselves or hurt others, we have heard that before and certainly this writer has repeated that understanding. A Course in Miracles refers to this behavior as "calling out for love." Still, I wonder sometimes whether the "answer," if there is one, is to teach the children how they can not be hurt. How who they are, by virtue of their divine inheritance, is perfect, untouched, impervious to offense and damage. That even if it appears to be that someone is not right with them, that it is only a bad dream, a nightmare-- and when they wake up, it will simply be gone. They will still be who they always were and nothing less. Guaranteed. In the end, I have no idea how this might work. The logistics of such an undertaking might be tantamount to needing to establish a new religion and God knows we don't need another religion. These are just thoughts I have. They are informed by the truth, but not to dismiss the notion of even in its illusory essence, we do appear to be living here and enduring all the outcomes of ourselves and others feeling unloved and uncherished and sometimes simply trashed. But I do wonder about a world that could be if every individual here could know the absolute truth about themselves. I wonder what that would be like? Well, I guess I already know... And there is something else I do know. No one can give you the love of yourself. No one can give it to you because it comes from you and can not be taken away by anything or anyone ever, no matter what the circumstance or what it looks like. If you elect not to recognize it, that is your business---you have God-given free will. But it's there, and there will come a time when you can see it for yourself. Guaranteed.

A Not-So-Silent Night

December 7, 2007

As I write this, it is a little less than 3 weeks prior to Christmas and when I speak to a friend, she tells me a story that I feel needs to be told.

It is about 2 o'clock on a Sunday morning when she hears something that awakens her. She makes her way down the stairs to investigate. As she does, she notices some activity on her front lawn. It seems there are two adolescent boys scurring about and when she throws open her front door, she notices that they are carrying something as they make a dash down the street. In an instant she surveys her lawn and realizes that her two Christmas penguins are no longer there and that Santa and his Mrs. have been reconfigured into lewd positions. She looks up again and just as the boys are nearly out of sight, she hears herself yell out:" Get back here with my penguins, you little jerks!"

Not one to get too rattled, Joanie quickly settles and simply dials the number for the local police who appear within 5 minutes at her door. After a quick conveying of the story, the police make their way in the direction that she tells them the boys travelled. In short order, the police return and she notices that they are reaching into the back seat of their car. "Boy," she wonders, "they actually found these guys?" But the police are retrieving her two cherished penguins and Joanie lights up. "You found my penguins!" "Yes," one officer says, "and not only that, we found the boys, too!" THey speak a bit more and the officer explains that she can press charges but that given these boys are juveniles, there isn't much point to it. Still, the choice is hers. "Just scare 'em," Joanie submits, "That just may be enough." "Make sure their parents know." The officers assured her that yes, the intention is to make the parents aware, no problem, and perhaps that is enough to dissuade them from disrupting other people's property again. Undiscouraged and satisfied with the return of her property, Joanie thanks the officers and the early morning trauma is over. The following morning--or rather some hours later--she is in her kitchen and from her window she sees two young men walking with shovels. She quickly realizes that they are walking in the direction of her front door. She waits a moment and sure enough, the doorbell rings. "Mam, we are the two boys who stole your penquins and would like to say we're sorry and shovel your driveway for you." (It is Buffalo and yes, we have snow in December!) A bit surprised, Joanie allows the boys to go ahead with their good deed but could not resist the temptation to admonish them with her inimitable bit of levity. They briefly explain that at first they thought it was funny but soon after they realized "it was a stupid thing to do" and Joanie agrees and jokes something about the effects of enjoying too much coffee at Starbucks and the boys laugh. After they finished shoveling, they ask if they could replace her penguins on the lawn the way they had been and Joanie declines, thanking them, but she will take care of that later. The boys left reiterating their apologies. As they left, Joanie got a little chuckle over the whole ordeal but she was touched by what she felt was a genuine response from the boys, even if it was somewhat dictated by their disappointed parents. After she related it to me, I was immediately struck with the sweetness of the story. It was a story of taking responsibility, of forgiveness and of hope. How often we hear accounts that reflect how our internal angst is inflicted on our external environment or turned inward to engender depression and avoidance with self-medicating punishment. This is a perfect example of the power of how love works through the willingness to be responsible, even when we behave wrongly, to open ourselves to forgiveness, even when we are angry and to see the hope in all of it--the goodness of humanity-- in these small every day stories that won't make the daily news but matter greatly in our hearts for all time.

AWARENESS

November 15, 2007Did you ever notice that once your awareness has been heightened in a particular way that you wonder how you could have ever missed it, now that this 'it' seems to be everywhere? My dog came to me in early 2001 as a puppy. Prior to that, I had no thoughts either way about pets---I neither felt this way or that about them. After I had him, I could see that zillions of people had a pet and as I grew more and more in love with him, I could see that others felt as much in love with their own. THey were and are a part of the family and being "spoiled" was just as natural as the love that sparked it. What I thought was most surprising was that having Socrates actually was the catalyst for my present day love affair with all animals! I am so grateful for that. I began to think of all the times I had a nudge in the direction of taking notice...A walk in my neighborhood, one I have taken dozens of times a year suddenly yields an unbelievably cute house that I wonder why I have "never" seen before. The greatest little gift shop I happen upon in an area that I have frequented for years, only to find out that it has been there for as long as I have! Or like when you buy a certain new car that you don't think you've ever seen before only to discover as you now ride in it that there are tons of them on the road! Where am I? sometimes I wonder. What am I doing as I go through my day in a state of "not noticing."? How can I be that non-observant and what can this say about me? I choose not to have regrets; I would rather think of this realization as a wake up call to take in my beautiful world and appreciate it in this moment that I have. I am blessed to have had the learning from a beautiful little white dog and I am thrilled to know that now I can breathe in my environment, seeing all the loveliness and enjoying all in my world as I experience it with every one of my senses. That is what being alive means, being mindful and present and awake to love's presence, because it's all there---always has been. All I had to do is remove those blinders and be willing to receive. Ah, AWARENESS--Isn't it lovely?

An Examined Life

November 7, 2007Sometimes when I am listening to lyrics from my favorite songs, it occurs to me that I lean toward the saddest songs, the most profound of lyrics, those that cause me to really get underneath the surface and consider...what they ask, say, in some cases, accuse. I have been like this for as long as I know and yet, I am not an unhappy depressed sort of person. In fact, I am a happy, hopeful and rather positive person. There are times when I have definitely wondered if I have this 'disease' called "paralysis of analysis" because I spend an awful lot of time dissecting a situation, looking at everything "from both sides now..up and down,...win and lose" (Joni Mitchell). I'm quite certain that Socrates (the great philosopher) did not intend for us to do this when he remarked that "An unexamined life is not worth living." What I know is that my thinking about a situation doesn't have any power to change it. Like a poster I once hung in my bedroom that said, "Worrying is like rocking in a rocking chair, it gives you something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere!" If "examination" could take the direction of a willingness to look deeply into the cause of our discomfort, it would be useful and worthwhile because it would empower us to take responsibility for disallowing its reoccurence. And then, we are free to go forward with a renewed and more accurate sense of who we really are that will undoubtedly catapult us into wholeness in a way that has the most positive impact on our own life and in the world.

Work Should NOT Be Painful!

November 5, 2007I am continually astonished by what most people believe about their work. The "four letter word" is generally accepted as the negative connotation that it might be. Perhaps because I am in the business of assessing motivational needs to determine optimal career paths, I take umbrage at this philosophy. Work not only should not be painful, but there is absolutely no reason whatsoever for anyone to be engaged in work that they find less than personally fulfilling. I can name at least 10 good books to read on this subject but the bottom line really is why do we persist in this belief when we see clear evidence to the contrary? Do we believe that those who are working at something they love are simply part of the fortunate few, a club in which we are not intended to have membership? I hope that anyone reading this at least gives some thought to the possibility that there is indeed merit to my argument. Each of us deserves to do work in which we have a motivation to perform and if we are not quite certain what that might be, know that there are professionals who can help you clarify your needs and establish a proper direction for you. My own passion happens to fall into the category of ensuring that others get this and accept this for themselves. The benefit to the individual is obvious, but it is also important to recognize that following our heart helps everyone we touch in our own little world and has residual positive effects on the universe at large.

Death Does Not Live Here; Love Does

October 30, 2007Like many people, I just heard news about seven beautiful college students perishing in a fire sometime yesterday. Unless it's my imagination, it seems that people in general and definitely the parents and friends of these young people have an understanding of the fragility of life and how we share our time with those we hold so dear. I am awestruck by individuals who can even speak for an interview just following such devastating news---the loss of a loved one, especially that of their own child. For me, there have been two sources of comfort. One very simple comfort comes from the Rabbi and author, Harold Kushner, who was once moved to write "When Bad Things Happen to Good People." In it, he offers rationale for the idea that God doesn't will these things to happen to us and there is a random nature to what occurs in this world. It may be that these folks being interviewed somehow know that. But there is another, more important comfort for me and that is the knowledge that life never ends. When I have been given to wallow in my deepest sorrow ---and I have had the experience of being paralyzed with grief unable to move through my day with ease--- I allow it and then I choose to remember that there is no loss. Although it is true that the person I miss I can no longer see with my body's eyes, I know in that place where I am deeply connected that this person lives inside of me and there is only comfort and gladness in that acknowledgment. The love we share is still and can never go anywhere. Love itself is always with us; it can never ever be lost.

"Diamonds in the Dirt"

October 29, 2007I was speaking to my dear friend Jeffrey the other day and he used a term that I thought about captured our condition as best as any one I had heard. He referred to humans as "diamonds in the dirt." Later that same day I began talking with my siblings about planning the upcoming holidays and as usual got drawn into several versions of stories related to what each one"s perceptions were about the rest of the personalities involved, the hurts and disappointments and the inevitable subsequent outcome of "the way it is." Almost unanimously, each one"s proclamations for "making peace" with their perceptions somehow evolved into "not bother(ing)." And in these self-convinced positions, I could hear and more importantly feel that this cover, at the core of which is judgment, is only the certainty of how they judge themselves. The connection I made and make routinely, especially with those I love most in this world, is how funny it is that these beautiful, lovely, intelligent and divinely connected beings, these "diamonds" that shine so brightly in my eyes, can hold so tightly to these sullied positions and thereby limit their experience of the beauty called "our family." They just don't see, for the moment, their own perfection and their failure to see that in themselves causes the tendency to find fault in the apparent "other." The people in our lives serve us precisely in the way we need to enable us to look at ourselves in the deepest way in order to remove that huge block in the way of our own self-love. As I sit and listen intently to each one, I know that although I do not agree, I have no interest in pointing out another way. Each one"s experience feels very real to them and I honor their beliefs even as I hold what is true in my heart. I get that one day they will join me in the certainty that only love is real, the rest, all the "dirt," is what we make up along the way of this thing we call "life."

Getting Over It In The Dream World

October 12, 2007Yesterday I had the awful experience of having shared on this blog only to have the entire written piece be blotted out into net purgatory! It was frustrating, but here I am to attempt to say what I had to say, albeit in an inevitably different way. It is also to demonstrate, if only to myself, that I am over it. Dreams can provide us great insight into what's up for us and can even give us the answers we need. In my case, it was a reminder. Forget the contents that I saw with my mind's eye. The message was clearly that of my continuance to fall for a sense of guilt, which in many ways can be debilitating, all resulting from a failure to listen to my inner guidance. I wonder how many others might be like me? I guess the point is that we all have an inner sense that is connected to a Divine Source, which when trusted and used actively in our lives will prove to enhance and vastly improve our experiences. I keep learning this, keep getting this message and know in my heart that the good news is always that in any moment I can change my mind and avoid the "auto-pilot" pitfalls of my erroneous ego. Meanwhile, I remain thankful for these kind reminders until I can simply BE there--in each moment---trusting and knowing in the goodness of who I am.

Thoughts and Feelings

October 9, 2007Within the context of "Emotional Intelligence," we learn the clear distinction between thoughts and feelings. I can recall being so confused about this myself when during a counseling session I was asked how I "felt" about something and I heard myself respond with "Well, I think"... I was interrupted just as I recognized what I evidently had grown accustomed to, that is, denying my feelings. I had been reliant upon my head, my brain, the thinking and analyzation of just about every problem I would encounter. Since then, I have learned to pay attention to those visceral responses, knowing that they have good information for me. They point me in the direction of that which I need to be taking a closer look... To see that while the thinking brain can be so error-prone and get me nowhere (hence the phrase "paralysis of analysis"), my emotions reside in my deepest part---my heart and soul--my true self--and have many gifts to give me.

Better late then Never

October 8, 2007

There has undoubtedly been some type of resistance going on for me with respect to this "blogging" endeavor! I have some thoughts about what it may be/have been about, but I want to decare that it is officially behind me. If I have something to say, I will get to it---even if it must be brief--- and I do invite responses, in whatever possible way.

So, today it is good enough that I make this declaration, in the name of pushing past procrastination, whatever the cause, and "begin it"---standing on terra firma with what I know to be true--that what really stands in my way, ever, is only the thoughts that I hold onto, nothing more, and that can choose differently at any moment.

I hope all reading this are choosing right now to think---more importantly--BE well and share that with everyone who shares your space!